What the...?
2003-07-23, 11:28 a.m.

Why did DW stay out til 3 a.m. Friday night/Saturday morning? His reason was that he screwed up, he didn't think, blah blah blah, peer pressure, beer pressure...

But I want to know the underlying reasons that a 40 year old man, with a smashingly attractive, attentive, sexed-up and sometimes emotionally even-keeled wife would not want to come home. Why would he call at 10:15 after the baseball game and tell me he'll be home in 45 minutes, and then not mosey home until 3? He said he knew he needed to call but he was afraid. What the fuck? He knew he screwed up, he's sorry, he loves me, it's not me, it's him (which is guy code for "it's not me, it's you).

And then last night, after the fucking golf game, I started looking for him about 8:00. 4:00 plus 4 hours equals 8:00. He calls at 9:15 and tells Lil Guy he'll be home in 15-20 minutes. So now he has dragged my kid into the smoke-blowing. At 10:15, I called him, yelled at him, insulted him, and hung up. When he got home 30 minutes later, I apologized for yelling and hanging up and he said I had every right to. I did, of course, but that doesn't excuse my shrewish behavior.

So now today, I get the apologetic "I screwed up, you are my soul mate, I love you" email. So? It's ringing a little hollow. Anyway, the word "sorry" has lost its meaning. I've told him I have to go by what he does, not what he says, and those are two different thangs entirely.

I have even asked him to go ahead, grab his nuts for strength, and tell me what the fuck is really going on. It's gotta be deeper than "I forgot what time it was. I thought we were leaving. We started drinking beer. The guys didn't want me to go." Doesn't it? What are you, 15? Yes, you are. I need a 17-year-old, a good solid high school graduating clean driving record part-time job holding down 17 year old.

Anyway, what is really going on? Is it as simple as stupidity?