The gamut of emotions
2004-03-12, 3:29 p.m.

What Map?

I'm just mood swingin' like a mofo today. I'm super-tired, didn't run, have no endorphins, and I'm up and down and happy and elated and stressed and scared about this new work venture.

Did I tell you? We're starting a management company. Our own lil company. The person we hired to run this venture, hereinafter know as Maestro, is doing the bulk of the work, but I think trumped all his hard work by finding us a group of investors to fund our start-up. Well, maybe. That's the scary part - what if we can't find anybody to fund us? We'll have to wait til a refinance closes, which will be on into May. Oh well, Maestro will just have to live off his savings another couple of months. And if the refi doesn't close? Oh well, at least my name isn't Martha and at least I'm not going to jail.

So driving in today, I got borderline weepy. Why do I get up so freaking early and fight traffic and weather, to get to a job that is stressful, has very little reward or satisfaction to it, consists of constant emergencies, and every day is a struggle not to go bankrupt or insane. I told Maestro that people may as well come in and beat me with sticks everyday, that's how beaten down I feel. I've just had it. So I'm really hoping this new venture will help alleviate all the stress and ineffective communication and struggle and conflict.

And another thing. How often does DW have to stay out til 2 in the morning drinking and playing pool with his buddies? Twice a week? Thrice? And this is the second time he has used the explanation "We were talking to so-an d-soabout the Lord." I rolled my eyes. I think I just don't like it because it isn't fair. It's not. And I wouldn't do it, even if the opportunity presented itself. I feel it's more important to find some balance and be with my spouse, but DW can't resist the allure of the beer and the guys.

I'm all bummed out and I'd go home now if I didn't have to wait til 6 to get Lil Guy. Why am I so tired? I slept til 6. Of course, I didn't go to bed til 11. And I woke up at 1 when I noticed that DW wasn't home yet. And I woke up at 2 when he did come home. And I woke up at 5 when the alarm went off. And I slept poorly til 6 when it went off again. Well, that explains that!

Maybe I'll go shred some documents. That'll be fun.