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Lard above
2004-04-15, 11:38 a.m.

She�s Outta Control

In an effort to get some control over something in my life � because there ain�t no way that we can say I have control over my professional life � I am going to actually work, not dabble, at controlling my health and fitness. After a day like yesterday, in which I felt that I was dragged under and quite frankly violated by a wicked riptide of professional ups and downs, I�ve gotta get some semblance of control, over the aspect of my life over which I have control. Of. Bad grammar and rambling sentences are me.

So. Here�s the plan. Each day that I stay within my points, including activity points, I get to reward myself with a half a glass of wine. No longer will the medicinal application of red wine be a given at the end of the day � I have to earn it.

Each week that I stay within my points range, I get fresh flowers in my office. To kind of soften the sense of bending over on a daily basis. To give me something pretty to look at as I ride the rollercoaster of affordable housing financing from hell.

When I have accomplished two weigh-ins in a row at 110, I get new shoes.

When I have accomplished two weigh-ins in a row at 106, I get more new shoes. And this is totally going to work, because I NEED new shoes, dammit. Need them.

When I have accomplished four weeks in a row at 106, I get a new set of kitchen knives. Whoa Nelly � I know this is an extravagance of giddy self-indulgence and hedonism, but shit, I want a set of good kitchen knives (you know, the $30 jobbies at Target), and by God, I will weigh 106 for 4 weeks in a row if that�s what it takes.

That�s my plan for controlling what I put in my mouth.

As for workouts, each week that I manage to squeeze in 5 workouts = earrings. I perused the earring selection at my beloved Steinmart yesterday, and I NEED new earrings, dammit. And they need me.

Once I hit 90 days at 5 workouts per week, there�s something wonderful in store for me, but I haven�t figured that out yet. Once I identify something that I feel I just can't live without, I'll assign it to my 90 day goal.

Here�s the rundown for this week so far. I won�t get new earrings this week, for one. But I will get a half glass of red wine when I get home tonight. And I won�t get fresh flowers in my office Monday, but mebbe next Monday.

And apparently being in control of one�s diet and eating a nutritious fiber-packed breakfast = gastrointestinal regularity. More than regularity, in fact. So regular, that I�ll be back in a minute. OK, I�m back and I think I might weigh 110 now. I�m just sayin�.

Last night, DW made tacos with the evil pork ribs from hell. Actually, the meat is very delicious, and as long as you don�t try to cool the meat juices in the freezer, I�ve nothing against it. He made a little piglet of himself. In fact, I�ll prolly eat the same thing for dinner tonight, juiced up with the meat juices that were salvaged from the disaster (no, I didn�t mop it up off the floor and then wring out the mop), which are fully chilled in the fridge right now, with a thick layer of lard congealed on top. Mmmmm. Lard. The other white meat.

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