The Way Things Are



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Mom, it’s not just your butt
2005-04-14, 1:42 p.m.

LG: Mom, it’s not just your butt that’s fat.

Me: Thanks, son. That’s so sweet.

LG: I don’t mean that as a compliment.

Me: Obviously not.

LG: I mean, I don’t mean that as…

Me: An insult?

LG: Yeah, an insult. It’s just the way it is. Actually, it’s more like your thighs that are fat.

Me: Oh, that makes it better.

Old News:

Oak pollen is still kicking my ass. Picture a little demon made of yellow oak pollen. He kicks my ass, and then disappears in a *whoosh up my nose. My eyes are watery from the itching, my throat is all coughy **cough cough** and my nose is so itchy it takes everything I have not to stick my index fingers up my nostrils and just scritch scritch scritch. The sneezing, the burning, the itching. Did I catch something heretofore undiagnosed during my wild 80s days? How did it get in my nose and throat? Don’t answer that.

DW was not the beneficiary of the bj I believe I owe him. He went and drank beer with the guys last night, so if he saw any action, it wasn’t from me, but perhaps from the Mighty KB.

New News:

As hard as I try, I cannot get DW to change his nickname for me from “Schmoops” to “Blue Jean Baby Queen”. I’m totally a Blue Jean Baby Queen, and am thinking of making business cards proclaiming it.

These would be in addition to the business cards I hand out that say “Thank you for your concern. Now quit your bitching. We’re trying to work.” I made those myself, and they express my sentiments to a tee.

Is anybody else out there completely enthralled with Dog the Bounty Hunter? I get a delicious shiver of delight from this reality show (on A&E), much like the one Nanny 911 gives me. My favorite character is Dog’s wife Beth. I would totally love to live next door to them and hang out drinking bloody mary’s all morning with Beth. DW says that the way she rules the roost with an iron fist and dirty looks reminds him of me. They all fear Beth, as all in my household fear me. It's The Look. You know, The Look. Whatever.

Since the itching was spreading from my throat to my ears, I got some otc formerly-prescription meds which proudly proclaim themselves to be non-drowsy. Unfortunately, many meds have a rebound effect on me. The sleepy stuff makes me all wired and weird, and now the non-drowsy formulas regroup to form a big sleeping pillssnnnkkkkkkzzzzzzz…..

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