The Way Things Are



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Discovery Channel guy
2005-04-28, 3:11 p.m.

Discovery Channel guy: …”so when I saw my first reef, that first time, I said to myself ‘Wow! This is where I want to spend my life! How do I get a job where I can be here everyday? The coral, the fish…This is beautiful!’”

Me: You know, that’s how I felt the first time I saw low-income housing. It was a Dallas Housing Authority project, and I said ‘Wow! That’s beautiful. How can I get a job so that I can be surrounded by this for the rest of my life? Look at that crack whore and rundown housing! Wow!’

DW: (can’t stop laughing, and laughing and laughing and laughing)

Update on Amy the former admin:

Here’s an email exchange that should explain everything.

Me: “That overnight envelope had payroll in it and needed to go out yesterday. I found it on your desk at about 7:00 last night, so I took it over to the late drop-box out by the airport. We don't have a scheduled pick up, so I guess I needed to tell you that it needed to be dropped in a box. Anyway, it went out, so no harm done.”

Amy: “Oh my goodness! I completely forgot about it. I meant to take it with me. I usually take all the shipments with me on my way out. There are drop boxes on my way home. I apologize for that. It won’t happen again. I don’t know where my head was yesterday.”

Needless to say, you’re fired. I know I was not very rough on her in the email I sent her. In fact, I was motherly and kind. But here’s the rub, and it’s a hard, unfriendly kind of rub, not the nice kind. Her mother works here. Her mother is an accountant on the management side, and mom is super-protective. That’s how Amy got her job here; mom had a daughter who would be perfect for the receptionist/admin position. Last I heard, Amy wanted a raise, and her mother, -her mother- was doing the asking, campaigning and negotiating.

So I realized last night when I saw that payroll hadn’t gone out, that Amy would not work for me because I need the ability to chew her ass for stupidity like that without worrying that her mother is going to get up in my grill over it. And I do expect that if I gave Amy hell about something, she’d run to mom. I mean, she’s letting her mom work her raise for her. “Mom, Laura was mean to me!” Oh shit, I don’t need that.

Oh but wait – speaking of you’re fired, Apprentice is on tonight. Delicious! Who’s getting the ax? I know that the final two are going to be Alex and Tana, and that Tana will win big time because that woman KICKS ASS but I wonder whether Kendra or Craig will get sent home tonight? I can’t wait! Tana is my hero.

Would Tana sit around and stew all day long about the negative aspects of her job and chosen career path? I think not. Am I spelling Tana's name right? Possibly not. Is it wrong that I might be spelling my hero's name wrong? I'm thinking, yes, it is.

I’m going to make a bracelet that says “WWTD?” I’m thinking Tana would put on some lipstick and drink a sodie right about now.

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