The Way Things Are



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NOW WITH LESS MENTAL
2005-07-13, 12:54 p.m.

NOW WITH LESS MENTAL

I received a piece of spam today, and its subject line was: ďAs smoke it fought file.Ē

And I totally relate, I say, as I take a big drag on a doob. I fight file whenever I venture into the file room here at work. There are days when I simply, like smoke, fight the files, struggle to pry them out of their tight drawers (hee! tight drawers!) to find the one piece of paper that WONĒT be in that file. And there are days when I am inspired, and avoiding my real work that sits on my desk taunting me and shrieking my name, and I venture into the file room, and I FIGHT those files, baby. I FIGHT them, and I rassle them into submission, and I organize them, and I weed them out, and I store the old shit in boxes, neatly labeled.

I find that where thereís smoke, thereís file.

In other news, I have resumed working out this week. I went for a little 40-minute walk/jog/stagger/stumble thing this morning, and came home and cooked eggs for Lil Guy and me. I had one egg, a goodly amount of jalapeno sausage, and a piece of toast at 7:30 this morning. It is now 11:19, and how can I be so hungry already? The exercising will burn it off, and the appetite will pack it back on.

For the record, LG ate 4 eggs. FOUR EGGS. Iím going to have to invest in a flock of chickens to keep that boy in eggs. Wasnít that a pop group in the 80s? Flock of Chickens? No?

Back when we (Peaches and me) officed by ourselves, I had no problem eating lunch at 11:00 sharp if I was hungry. I would wait until 11:00 because although the bbq joint down the street started serving lunch at 10:30, I didnít want them to make fun of me, and felt that 11:00 was an appropriate time to get lunch. I try to observe proper decorum and all that.

But now that we office with a whole boatload of people, I feel like I need to wait a little later. I donít want to be mocked for my voracious eating habits. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Theyíll find something else to mock me about, so it might as well be as innocuous as my apple-tite. Itís never too early in the morning for leftover crockpot pulled pork and oven fries, is it?

Oh, you want recipes?

Crockpot Pulled Pork: OK, getcha some pork. No bones, because pork bones tend to break up after a long day of slow cooking, especially when you abuse your pork like Iím fixiní to show you how to do. Boneless pork rib things are best (maybe they have the name Boston or butt, or both?), but I used some kind of pork loin boneless chops that were nice and cheap last night. Like me.

OK, you got ya some pork. Put it in your deluxe c. 1985 crockpot, season it with Cajun seasoning, pour a little water on it, COVER IT, PLUG IN AND TURN ON THE CROCK (on low), and leave it alone all day. When you get home, take 2 forks, and commence to pulliní that pork apart. Shred it. Stir it. Make it sorry. Dip out the brothy fatty effluent, and feed that to the dog. Pour lots of KC Masterpiece Spicy Original BBQ sauce on your pork, stir it all up, and leave it in the crock for, I dunno, half an hour or so?

Oven Fries: cut your potatoes into fry sizes. Coat them in an olive oil/balsamic vinegar mixture. Measurements are entirely optional. Very liberally spray a cookie sheet with Pam, and scoop the fries out. Donít pour the oil and vinegar mixture on top because it cooks up kinda gross. Oh, I donít know Ė go ahead and try it. I warned you. Sprinkle fries with Cajun seasoning (are you sensing a theme to my cooking?), and bake at 400* til they are crispy. These take a while Ė you might have to turn them and broil them over and over a bit to get them to finish up. I donít understand why potatoes cut into skinny pieces can still take close to an hour to cook.

So thatís the comestible triumph that I created last night. Eat the pork on buttered toasted buns with a bit of red onion and some sour pickles, if you will. And you know you will, wonít you?

Decidedly less manic today:



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