The Way Things Are



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My head is damp
2005-07-22, 1:40 p.m.

My head is damp with sweat, as are my shorts and my bra. Just the fact that I’m wearing shorts to work should tell you something. My running shoes are covered in grass, and I smell like bug spray. There must have been a golf tournament this morning, eh?

Lil Guy played his usual tournament quality golf, which means not very. He’s great on the driving range, but hitting the ball out on the actual course tends to confound him. Ah well, friends were made, wisecracks were exchanged, and some pictures were taken. And I missed half a day of work, so I’m going to call it a success. And you know what? That is one cute kid, so I don’t care if he NEVER breaks a score of 10 strokes per hole. Including the par 3s.

Allow me to ask you a very personal question. How fast does your hair grow? Mine? I got my hairs cut 3 weeks ago, and already my thick lustrous undercoat is big and poofy, and my stringy topcoat is waving and bending and defying the laws of physics. Don’t even get me started on the gravity violations. If I had time, I’d call my hair-girl and beg for an appointment TOday. You have to say it that way: TOday.

Here’s some pillow talk for you:

Me: “I can’t find my big panties! Where did all my big panties go?”

Him: “What are those that you are wearing?”

Me: “These are small big panties.”

Him: “I can tell – they don’t cover your ass. Why do you want big panties?”

Me: “Because it’s unsanitary to sleep without panties when you have your period.”

Him: “Oh. I guess there’ll be no fooling around tonight.”

Me: “This ain’t no party. This ain’t no disco.”

Him: “This ain’t no fooling around. Yeah, I get it.”

Last evening, DW was telling me about all the work that got done on the house yesterday, and how much would get done today, INCLUDING COUNTEROPS! Sorry, I never use exclamation points, but COUNTERTOPS! And KITCHEN SINK!

So I told him that Lil Guy and I would come by the homesite this evening to check on progress, maybe boss some people around, and he said well, how about just coming on Saturday? That way even MORE will be done.

Uh huh. Do you y’all believe that? He’s playing golf this afternoon. He won’t even be working on the house today. Slacker. Gosh.

In the meantime, I leave you with this lovely shot of how pretty I look and feel today. I call this one Pretty Picture Smile. If Al Gore had gone ahead and invented the Smellernet, I’d embed a smell file for you. .smel In the meantime, y’all just use your fertile imaginations.


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