The Way Things Are



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I don’t know where
2005-11-10, 10:18 a.m.

I don’t know where this is coming from, but I’d like a call to action to eliminate the phrase “politically correct” from our lexicon, and just go back to what it really is: polite. Just be polite, everybody. Use your manners. These fish have manners! Name that reference.

I must have overheard something on the evil hate-filled talk radio that chatters in the background whilst I work…somebody apologizing for not being politically correct, BUT…you know when somebody follows their opener with BUT…that common sense and manners are about to fly out the window.

So, my people, chill. Let’s all be polite. Sense and sensibility and all that.

Now let’s all join together and make fun of my favorite minority group: Aggies. I can make fun of them because I am one.

ASSOCIATED PRESS-------BULLETIN--------

Anthrax scare at Texas A&M

AGGIE football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Coach Fran immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

I also like to make fun of people living in cold climates. I do business with, and regularly correspond with some folks in Cleveland. Ohio, not Cleveland, Texas. Apparently, it’s quite cold there. I was taunting Valerie with our sunny skies and 87 degree weather yesterday, and lamenting the cool front coming through that would surely bring us some temps way down in the 70s. Here’s what she wrote back:

“Oh well…let me taunt you… we have a breezy 35 degree high with soothing grey skies and calming torrential rains. Come to OHIO.”

Now that’s funny. I don’t care WHO you are.

If you have been following the saga of the scary Boss’s Day balloons, wondering when they would finally rise up and murder me in my sleep, fear no more. I took matters into my own hands today.


They won’t die, but they do lurch drunkenly - zombie-like - toward me whenever the air comes on. In the background, you can see a white coffee mug that sports the corporate logo that Secret Agent Josephine designed for us. Love her. ACCEPT HER BEFORE SHE DESTROYS YOU.


Note the supernatural shininess of the scissors. They are infused with Holiness. I had to cut holes (see? Holiness) in the balloons, rassle them to the floor, and force the helium out of them. I won’t lie to you – they fought back.


Good triumphs over evil. This time.

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