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Do you think it means anything
2005-12-29, 4:54 p.m.

Do you think it means anything, I mean, really means anything that my fortune from yesterday�s grocery store Chinese lunch special fortune cookie reads thusly:


�Striving for the best will bring you loser to the best.�

I know it�s hard to read, but this is the best a pitcher-phone will do. I taped this to my desk phone, underneath the fortune that says �You have an unusual magnetic personality.� What I love about that one, is that it�s an unusual magnetic personality, not unusually magnetic. See? The unusual part stands on its own, not as a modifier for magnetic. I probably didn�t have to explain the difference to you, did I? God, I love grammar.

Yeah, my fortune calls me a loser, but I don�t think it really means anything. Right? RIGHT.

In other news, I have done some shopping lately. I went to Old Navy on Tuesday, because I needed some new jeans. I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction on the 26th, when after 2 days of not doing laundry, I was reduced to a pair of khaki capris and clogs because my two pairs of ratty jeans with the belt loops torn off were both grungy and possibly stinky. Time for new jeans! I shall have 3 pairs of jeans, by gum.

I ended up with two new pairs of JUST BELOW WAIST BOOTCUT (that�s for Jane, so I won�t be dead to her) jeans, one with I guess last year�s wash for $15 (kind of faded looking? Am I still hip to the jive?) and one pair of darker wash for $20. Obviously, darker wash is the way to go, because you pay $5 extra to look that much more like you�re trying desperately to hang onto the shreds of your squandered youth, rather than having already given up.

So now I have 4 pairs of jeans � two ratty, two not � and it�s a good thing, too, because my social life is brimming.

First: tonight is Linda�s birthday. You remember Linda, don�t you? She�s the nice lady I helped Don pick up in a bar a few months ago, and although he�s too afraid of women and commitment to actually date her, she and I have remained friends, because I'm not afraid of either women or commitment, staying in contact and everything. So tonight is her birthday, and she�s getting all her friends together at Gruene Hall (gruenehall.com) which is in a lil town a fur piece up the road from us, and if you haven�t been there before, what the hell are you thinking? Go! Go there now! It�s fun!

And then tomorrow, my favorite work-related attorney is having his legendary (I guess it�s legendary � although I haven�t heard any actual legends about it) New Year�s Eve Eve party. It�s an outdoors-at-the-ranch-kind of party, with a pavilion and a fire pit and bring-your-own-chairs and get-ready-to-get-your-shoes-dirty kind of thang going on.

AND THEN�on the actual Eve, my favorite family law attorney is having a party at his house. And I�m so out of breath just from typing this, that I can�t say another word about it, except that my kid is sad that he�s missing this one, because there will be hot middle school chicks in attendance.

So, you see, it�s a good thing I have new jeans.

And to top it all off, I went to Target today, and I found a really cute jean jacket � kind of tailored and hip to the jive looking � and it was $12. $12! And luckily in yet another denim wash color that won�t match any of my new jeans, because what�s worse than an all-matching all-denim outfit? Nothing, that�s what. Except tsunamis. Those are worse.

So all I have to do now is figure out which look I want for which event: which event gets the lesser of the ratty? Which event gets the �trying desperately to hang onto the shreds of my squandered youth� darker wash? Which event gets the �already given up� lighter wash?

And wouldn�t it be awesome if Old Navy would just go ahead and label their stuff like this? Because I know I saw some jeans there that had some strategically placed rat gnaws on them that would very appropriately be called ratty.

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