The Way Things Are



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Exact same little boat.
2006-05-17, 2:05 p.m.

Jane says:
your thyroid hates you
Laura says:
it's taken on an unnatural life of its own
Laura says:
in fact, it drove me to work today
Laura says:
I just sent it out for coffee
Jane says:
did they mention graves disease? You look like you have that.
Laura says:
I do not
Jane says:
do too
Laura says:
wouldn't graves show up on my blood work
Jane says:
skinny, big eyes
Jane says:
yeah.
Laura says:
I dont have those big popping-out eyes
Laura says:
I know people with graves - they have those bulgy eyeballs
Jane says:
well, okay, no
Laura says:
I just have large, expressive eyeballs
Laura says:
and a large, expressive thyroid


Whatís REALLY funny is, and this is a long story, so settle in and hold on, is that our bookkeeper Leah (aka Leer) came in today, and sheís one of my Friends From a Former Life (her husband and Mr. Surly are like best friends, so we donít get to socialize that much, even though hearts and birdies erupt from our heads when weíre together), but anyway, sheís our part-time working-from-home bookkeeper around here, and she came in today, and we always gossip and talk and catch up and whatnot.

So I told her, hey, did you know I have a goiter? And she was appropriately startled, and when I started telling her the whole story, she said, ďHey, Dr. S, right?Ē

Oh yeah, thatís right. Leer goes to Dr. S like I do. And apparently, she had a similar experience last year, except she only had 3 nodes, not 8 like me (Iím a nodular over-achiever), and alas, she has no goiter, but still.

She had to get the ultrasound, and then had to get biopsied, and she went to the same endocrinologist that Iím scheduled to go to on June 16th, and they asked her, ďDr. S, right? If anybody can find a thyroid node, itís Dr. S.Ē

I believe that Dr. S is a bulldog for finding stuff, and then insisting that it get checked out. I think the statistics for women with thyroid nodes would increase shockingly if everyone went to Dr. S and let her dig around on their throats. Leer went in about her migraines, and came out with allergies, thyroid nodes, and a heart murmur.

And all of that is valid: she does have allergies, thyroid nodes, and an ever-so-slight heart murmur, so itís not like Dr. S is diagnosing stuff that isnít there. Sheís just good at finding stuff that nobody else would have ever looked for or noticed.

Leer and I agreed that we have no fears that anything important will ever slip by Dr. S unnoticed, although thanks to Dr. S, I now have things like ďinterstitial cystitisĒ and ďgingivitisĒ on my permanent record, and cannot get individual health insurance.

The endocrinologist gets a LOT of referrals from Dr. S, so many that I am going to suggest they start a Dr. S patient referral scrapbook. Leer said the endo has the kind of sense of humor that would really appreciate that, and thatís what I look for in professionals of all kinds: will they laugh at my jokes? Thatís my #1 criterion.

AND she said that the biopsy did not hurt (very skinny needles), and that she drove herself there, and drove herself home, no drugs or anesthesia or anything, and she had a bit of bruising on her throat, which I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT.

Can you IMAGINE how much ammunition I could stockpile in my little arsenal of passive-aggression for something like this? I mean, I already told my mom that I did not want her to come with me, after she very generously offered, because I like to do things like this myself to use as p/a ammunition later. She said she hopes I donít intend to use it on her, and I said, oh no! Iíll use it on DW. She laughed and said OK.

But if I drive myself there and back, and EVEN GO BACK TO WORK AFTERWARD, and then experience some throat bruising from the 8 needles they are going to stick in my throat? Iím like paid up for life. Iím a hero!

No, dear, thatís OK. I am fine from my 8-needle throat biopsy, and the bruising is minimal, so Iíll go ahead and clean up the kitchen since you are so very tired from golf.

SCORE.

So talking to Leer put me so much more at ease. I wasnít exactly nervous or worried, but I did wonder when and where it was all going to end. Itís nice to know that she was in the exact same little boat, with the exact same group of doctors, and it all ended up being fine, and itís all par for the course when you are Dr. Sís patient.

Of course, there is the goiter, which Iím wearing like a badge of honor, except you canít see it yet. I think Iím supposed to be on some kind of medication from now on to keep it from growing, but thatís a kind of patchwork of information that I cobbled together from Dr. S plus Dr. Google.

Weíll see Ė I am pretty sure Dr. Endo will know what to do, seeing how he keeps so busy with these kinds of things. Heíll stick needles in my throat and suck out some thyroid juice, and write out a prescription, and weíll high-five in celebration of Dr. Sís excellent referral skills, and hopefully when I walk through the office, everyone will whisper under their breaths ďHello, Christmas bonus.Ē

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