The Way Things Are



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Full of cat.
2006-06-01, 5:19 p.m.

Last night when I got home, I got the old, ratty leftover pork roast from last week out of the fridge, put a hunk of it on a paper plate, and began cutting it up into pieces.

“Feeding your cat?” asked DW with a little smile.

“Yep,” I replied, sighing resignedly.

But Kitty didn’t come-n-git-it, and it was still out there this morning, which is REALLY puzzling, because what about all the wildlife that supposedly lives out there with us? Why didn’t SOMETHING come get it? The possums, the armadillos, the hyenas and dingoes? Oh wait, I see. The hyenas and dingoes didn’t need some sad, old pork roast because they were full of cat.

Yikes, it’s the circle of life, happening right outside my bedroom window.

****

As is my wont, I did not proactively purchase and send my mother a present for her birthday, which is today, but rather called her this morning, wished her a happy day, and then asked her what she wants. I mean, what she wants for her birthday, not just “what do you want?” in general. That would be a weird conversation – to call somebody, chat for a minute, and then bust out with “what do you want?” You should try that sometime. It could be added to that list of things to do to drive your co-workers crazy, like adding “IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY” after everything you say.

Oh! That reminds me. I got to use “smell ya later!” in a conversation this morning, and I’m still giddy and aglow. That was fun. I said it to my boss, the pres of our board of directors.

This is why I am sure to go far in this here professional setting: saying things like “smell ya later!” to the people who sign my paycheck.

****

Oh, yeah. I was talking about mom. It’s her birthday. She’s 65, and she says she’s not very pleased about it. I told her it beats the alternative, and then I told her that other people find it very helpful when I dismiss their worries, concerns and fears with my cavalier pronouncements like “beats the alternative”. She agreed that I was so helpful.

She wants clothes, by the way. Last year or the year before, I went to the Bass outlet store up thar in the outlet mall (which, kill me now – HATE the outlet mall, but sometimes ya gotta do what you gotta do) and got her some cropped khakis and a t-shirt or two. I’m going to stick with what I know works. I offered her a gift card for a tattoo, but she politely declined. Chicken!

****


I dressed up for work today: jeans and Target t-shirt. I decided I might need a belt or something, but alas, the only belt that coordinated with my ensemble was about 6” too short. How in the world did that happen? Who put my belt in the dryer?

So I stopped at Target on my way to work, first to get a couple of my very favorite Target t-shirts for my mom, and second, to find something to put around my waist to transform my outfit from t-shirt & jeans, to an actual get-up.

So I bought this scarf thing, you know, the ones that go around your gut hips, and you tie it, and it kind of hangs gracefully off to the side? But this one is like 6’ long, and when I tie it, it hangs down past my knees and looks silly. Now I have it tied in a bow, but I’m not sure that’s right, either.

I see by the instructions on its tag that I can wear it around my head, around my wrist, or around my neck, as well as hanging oh-so-casually off my hips.

I should really think these things through a little bit better before I stroll into the office with a scarf hanging off my hips, practically dragging the floor. I feel like Tai in the movie “Clueless”, when they go to the dance, and Tai can’t figure out her outfit, and each time we see her, she has rearranged the configuration of her overalls, her t-shirt, and her little pink button-down shirt. It seems like she’s wearing it on her head, at one point.

That’s me with this scarf. I understand why it was on clearance, now. I’m going to try wrapping it around my head and see if that makes things any better. I’m SURE it will.

****

Now I’m going to answer some of your questions that you have left in the comments recently

EB asked a while back, and Syllie just asked this afternoon: When is your appointment? I get my thyroid node biopsy done on June 16th. That’s the day I get to have 8 needles stuck in my neck (provided they get them all on the first try. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get lots and lots of needles stuck in my neck) to suck out some thyroid juice and see what horror lurks within. CAN’T WAIT.

Actually, I really can’t wait (although I bet WILL wait) because I want to get it over with and figure out if that’s the end of the deal, or if it’s the beginning of some whole new thing. I’m pretty sure it’s the end, and that will be a good thing. Also, I relish the thought of coming back to work with a big biopsy hickey on my neck. Maybe someone will take me to lunch.

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