The Way Things Are






Drunken poots
2004-05-12, 6:18 p.m.

I know. I know! Where the hell have I been, young lady? Hanging on by the skin of my teeth, that's where.

Work crises out the sphincter, baby. That's where I been. Week-long training in Minneapolis, that's where. Catching up, meeting, wringing my hands, trying to stay calm.

But it's not all grim reports of deals gone wrong, big money bending the non-profit over and pumping away, nay. There are some bright spots. And one slightly funny story, which I am going to share with you right now.

I was in Minneapolis getting some much-needed training on my career and professional development aspirations, becoming certified to some aff-housing stuff. I made some new friends, and a-drinking we did go on Thursday night. Ray and Phil. We started off in an Irish pub, wherein I consumed 60 oz of Bass Ale, and a few pieces of bread and some strange yet delicious cheese. And luckily for me, I'd had a bag of cheetohs for lunch, so you know I was well fortified.

Then we staggered to what I suspect might be the hippest bar that Minn has to offer. I don't remember much, but I drank 3 snifters of amaretto there. This bar was downstairs, and I'm not sure if Phil had to pull some strings at the door to get us in. He's all cool like that, and seems to be able to get doors open that mere mortals find locked.

Upstairs from this bar is an actual club. We tried to get them to let us go up there, but even the mighty Phil could not hurdle that obstacle. What obstacle, you ask? Why, the big flashing neon sign that hovered over our heads saying "Old! Unhip! Dorky! Drunk and stupid and not used to being out in public!"

I vaguely remember the walk back to the hotel. I don't remember getting there or going up to my room, but I remember getting TO my room and thinking "I think I'll just lie down for a few minutes."

I awoke with a start at 4:45, lights on, fully dressed including shoes, spreadeagle on my belly on my bed. I got up, undressed and went back to sleep til 7.

Staggered to class with a giant coffee in hand, and sat there shaking my head, waiting for Ray to get there. He was quite late. We sat there shaking our heads at each other, as if to confirm with each other "We are so old and stupid. Never again."

Oh, and it was Ray's 37th birthday, so that might have contributed to the festivities. I have one really strong memory of the night, and that was that I talked incessantly. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. All. Damn. Night. Long. I'm lucky these guys are still speaking to me, but we've emailed and hopefully I didn't say or do anything too stupid. I hope I didn't fart aloud. Oh, geesh, I hadn't thought of that. I'll bet I did. God I hope I didn't fart.

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