The Way Things Are






That's MY bidness
2005-03-09, 8:56 a.m.

I'm still having trouble with the sore BUTTOCKS today. I'm all wobbly, like a newborn calf.

I got a call yesterday about 1:00 from Lil Guy. He was in the clinic, didn't feel good, could I come get him? So I went to the school and saw my friend Lisa in the office (she works there), and she just laaaaaughed and laaaaughed. Said she had seen LG in the clinic, and he had that smug, happy look on his face like SHE used to get when she'd conned her mom into picking her up at school.

And the kid definitely wasn't sick. He said his head hurt and his stomach hurt, like he'd eaten too much for lunch. Lisa suggested to me that there was a religion test he was trying to get out of - that she'd seen a whole crew of middle-schoolers in the clinic - but a quick check of the sign-out sheet showed all 7th and 8th graders, not the lowly 6s.

Disclaimer: Lisa was not being snarky toward Lil Guy. She was laughing with me. We were both laughing AT Lil Guy. He was pretty transparent.

But, you know, he never does this. So I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. Because you know that as soon as I didn't take him home, he'd be puking in history class, and I'd be awarded the Bad Mother 2005 Award. "Oh, there's Lil Guys's mother. Did you hear? She didn't pick him up sick at school that time, and now they have to pull the carpet out of classroom 102."

We went home, he ate soup, watched tv (I forbade videogames because he was not running a fever) (do you understand my logic there? did I skip a step or two?), then he went and did one of his elephantine poops and all was well.

I asked him "so you just felt bad, like you ate too much at lunch?"


"Son, did you eat too much at lunch?"


"What was lunch today?"

"Chicken strips and french fries."

"Did you get seconds?"


"Did you get thirds?"


Well, at least he has a little sense. Hmmmm, where would he have gotten this tendency to eat too much and make himself sick? I wonder...

The kid has undergone a growth spurt that most people only dream of. The khakis I got him - 2 pairs! - for my sister's Mexican Wedding back in November are now too short. Much too short. All of a sudden last night, I realized he's as tall as I am. That's not a really great accomplishment for many folks, but he's a kind of shrimpy 12-year-old with some shrimpy genetic material. He's hit a milestone - tall as mom.

In other news, our water at the office was cut off yesterday morning for some kind of repair work. 4 hours, they told us. 4 hours MY BIG WHITE BUTT.

The water is still off this morning, 24 hours later, and it has gone from being an inconvenience to being total fucking bullshit. I need to go make some people know just how unhappy I am about this. I treasure these moments. My co-workers - they are counting on me as I am the meanest one in the office right now.

I must tend to business now, so that hopefully later on today, we can tend to business here rather than driving down to the gas station on the corner to do our business.

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