Parts of an email...
2005-04-07, 11:55 a.m.

Parts of an email from my BIL (my beloved DishWasher�s brother) yesterday. The notes in [ ] are mine:
��I went in for my yearly physical about a month ago and they ran a PSA (prostate specific antigen) blood test as part of all the normal stuff... cholesterol etc. Everything was fine except the PSA test came back "slightly elevated� for a man as YOUNG [he�s 45] as me.

�so next week I go for another test (a biopsy) so they can determine if the elevated levels are normal for me or if it is a sign of early stages of Prostate Cancer.
PSA levels from 4 to 10 ng/mL are borderline. About 20% to 30% of men (20 to 30 men in 100) with PSA levels in this range have prostate cancer�mine is 4.4.... so ultrasound [transrectal! yow!] and biopsy [hey! cut that out!] next week��

He emailed this to me, DW, my in-laws�and since I�m pretty sure I�m the only person sitting at a desk waiting with bated breath for my next email, I called DW immediately, told him to check his email (they office in a primordial swamp, with dinosaurs and dial-up), read him the contents of Robert�s email, and demanded that he set up an appointment for a check-up to get his bloodwork done IMMEDIATELY. And I�m not joking, mister. He had the nerve to be FLIPPANT with me about it, said something about God�s will, and I swear, I reached through the phone, grabbed him by the throat, and the voice of Zuehl told him to do as I say NOW. I don�t know if that is how you spell the Zuehl from Ghostbusters, but that�s how you spell the exit off I-10 East. There is a real live community in East Bexar County called Zuehl, and it scares me a little whenever I drive by that exit.

Anyway, if sexual acumen were an indicator of a perfectly functional and healthy prostate, I�d give DW the all-clear. I�m sure his doctor has a different test, though. Or does he? Hmmmmm.

Hey, what is a �ng� anyway? Is that a nanogram? That�s tiny. It know, it is bad manners to be talking about mad sex skillz in one paragraph, and then saying the word �tiny� in the next, but sometimes those two just go together. Like peas and baby carrots. Ooops, I did it again.

Remember my friend whose unborn grandchild was quite certainly going to be born with Ed*ward+s Syndrome? And it was tragic, and there was much weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth and rending of garments? Amniocentesis reveals that all is clear. Baby girl is perfect. The mom�s blood has some kind of something in it that gives a false positive for this extra chromosome. There is much rejoicing. Yay!

And other, sadder, housekeeping update. My second friend Lisa with breast cancer. It�s Stage IV, which is of course, very grave. You don�t know Lisa D (unless you are Trudi � in which case hi) but please, say a prayer or light a candle or burn some sage (but don�t kneel too long and black out like Lil Guy did this morning in the school's rosary for the Pope) for Lisa D, her family, and especially her young son.

I have had a continuing stream of emails with my BIL about God�s will, and we both agree that killing people with cancer is not part of God�s will, if there even is such a thing. Is there? Is there a God�s will? If there is, it�s way too complicated for us to understand. It�s definitely way too complicated for morons to dismiss tragedy by saying things like �Well, I guess it�s just God�s will.� Bullshit. You don�t know. You can�t. Don�t give ever give up � and don�t ever blame it on God�s will. It�s dismissive.

I promise that I will quit droning on about my preoccupation with death and cancer. Pinky swear. Y�all choke me in the shallow water.

Just to make it all better, here�s April�s inspirational quote from my Flavia daytimer calendar page, made even better and not-so-sweet by the application of the fortune cookie rule: �When we BELIEVE in the wonder of LIFE, every new day is a GIFT to behold in bed with monkeys.�

I want you to keep that in mind today. Behold the wonder of life in bed with monkeys, y�all hear?