Do you want a blow by blow
2005-10-24, 1:42 p.m.

Do you want a blow by blow? I can do that.

Friday, 6:00. Pick up the boy, make a drop-off at Goodwill, go and eat some sandwiches.

7:00. Drop the boy off at school for dance.

7:35. Am home. Jump in shower to hose off armpits and greasy face. Dress, but forego makeup in the interest of time.

8:00. Football game. Woo! We soundly beat the crap out of the competition, which is good, because this is homecoming.

9:15. Back in the car. Drive drive drive drive drive.

10:00. Pick the boy back up. He�s tired, he�s surly, he�s not amused by my parking lot dance moves to entertain the other parents. Pre-Teenagers SUCK!

10:40. We�re home. He�s grumping his way to bed, unwashed, etc. I don�t care. Go to bed, stinky Surly Pre-Teen Boy!

Saturday. 7:00. I�m up! I�m drinking coffee and straightening up and sweeping.

9:15. I leave the house. I drive to work-related event. Is very nice. Many nice people.

9:30. Developer asks me to make a speech. Oooookay. I can do that. I knew SOMETHING was going to be asked of me. Luckily, I am not one of those who fears public speaking more than death. I�d much rather make a speech than bite the big one.

10:00. Sitting. Waiting. Shaking hands. Talking.

11:00. Speeches begin.

11:45. I get to make my speech. Am self-deprecating and humble. Winsome, even. They LOVE me.

Noon. I get back on the road.

1:00. Am back home after stop at grocery store. Making dip, melting Velveeta, etc. More cleaning up and whatnot.

1:00 p.m.� 1:00 a.m.. People trickle in and out. My 12-year-old boy plays Twister with 3 teenage girls. And climbs trees and tosses the football around and kicks field goals with them. They are the two daughters and niece of our transgendered friend. It�s a Big Day for Lil Guy.

It was a take-it-one-event-at-a-time kind of weekend. Friday night was not that bad. I�m used to driving back and forth in order to facilitate my child�s social life at the expense of my own. Saturday, I dreaded the work event, but it ended up being really nice, and since I�m a bit of a ham, once you get past my antisocial tendencies, I enjoyed my 5 minutes in the spotlight, pretending to be humble.

After my speech, one of my work-friends commented on how well I did, no warning, etc, and I explained to her that I always make the same speech every time I need one, plus I was a little drunk. See what I do? I make wildly inappropriate comments to people who � I hope � know better yet are still amused.

I LOVE to tell people I�m a little drunk.

Once I got home on Saturday, the party thing happened so slowly and gradually, that it was relaxing and low-key and fun. It wasn�t a herd of people all at once. It was a steady trickle. If it had been a roof leak, I would have been alarmed, but not panicked. At our apex, we might have had 20 people there. From 1:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon, it was us plus Don. From 11:00 p.m. on, it was DW and two of his friends. In between, it waxed and waned and waxed again. So it wasn�t a house load of demanding, messy people for 12 hours straight. In fact, at 10:45, when the last of the wives went home, wailing �No more pooooorn!� (the guys were perusing the porn channels on the dadblasted stupid satellite thing), I cleaned up the kitchen and went to bed. The two or three guys that were left all started making noises like they needed to go home, and I protested heartily, told them that�s why we built such a big house, they were ordered to stay, and that I would go back into my lair and they wouldn�t disturb me one bit.

Well, I told them it would disturb me if they all sat there watching porn together, because it really makes women wonder WHAT THE FUCK. I told I like porn, I approve of porn, but what is up with guys watching porn all together? I don�t get it.

Anyway, that�s how it happened. It was nice.

Sunday? Nobody left the house, except when I drove down to the road to pick up the newspaper at the end of driveway. Yes, I�m lazy. We hung out, ate leftover party food, DW and LG worked in the yard, we watched movies, did homework, cleaned up a bit more, played with the dog, DW napped, I built a cabinet for the bathroom, LG basked in the glow of having been the token boy in a group of teenaged girls, and we just enjoyed ourselves. It was nice, too.