The Way Things Are






thnak YOU for your help
2006-01-31, 1:29 p.m.

Why in the world wouldnít you want to go dancing with me? I am capital EFF-EWE-IN, dammit. Hereís how I sum up my dancing skilz: bad+enthusiastic=goofy. Who the hell doesnít love goofy?

You will note that I did not knock any of them down.

This morning, dropping Lil Guy off at school, I noticed that the collar of my little jacket was bugging the back of my neck, like there was something pokey and scratchy making one little spot on my neck all itchy. I dug around back there, and discovered that the problem wasnít my jacket Ė it was my neck. Hereís how that conversation went:

Me: I thought I had a little sticker or tag or something bothering my neck, but I think itís a hair. Itís like a whisker back there.

LG: Let me see.

Me: Can you see it?

LG: Yep, you have a whisker. And itís white. Gross.

I ask you, my friendsÖis this what I have to look forward to? White bristles growing out the back of my neck? How can I maintain the level of sexy to which I have become accustomed? What if DW comes up behind me and plants a seductive little kiss on the back of my neck, and my white neck bristles poink his lips?

I already have a weird white bristle that grows on the side of my face, but I figured it was just one of those genetic anomalies, just one of those things. I kind of like my face bristle, and I keep track of it, plucking it out when it emerges from underneath the skin. Hereís whatís fun about it: even though a mere millimeter of it will be sticking out of my skin, thereís about a quarter inch under the skin. Itís entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if itís not an errant tooth. It grows for a while (quite quickly), and then it goes dormant for a while, and I miss it while itís sleeping. Itís my little friend.

Unfortunately, I also have a longish hair that grows on the other side of my face. This one is harder to catch because itís not bristly. Itís just a normal face hair gone wild. I have to catch it when the light hits me just right, i.e. when Iím putting on makeup in my office with the sun coming in the window behind me, and there it is in all its backlit glory. This one isnít really fun like the other one; itís dull and embarrassing, and I often wonder how I manage to miss its presence until itís half an inch long.

But white neck bristles are a whole nuther problem and Iím not quite sure I want to go into that good night.

Turns out, getting old really DOES suck! I thought everyone was just whining.

ABRUPT CHANGE OF TOPIC: The award for most absurd legal action today goes toÖ.::drum roll:: Texas A&M University, my own alma mater. What the heck? (hint: thatís a link again) Canít we all just get along?

ONE MORE: The award for best awkward email message goes toÖ::drum roll:: a person named Eric who sent me this, regarding an insurance claim settlement cluster fuck:

ďPlease, read below Laura. And as always thnak you for your help.Ē

And you guys? As always thnak YOU for your help.

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