Please, please like me.
2006-03-31, 5:14 p.m.

You know how I have perhaps spoken briefly of our water storage tank in the past few days? Well, here it is. It�s made of concrete sections � 6 of them � which I believe makes it 6000 gallons. There�s the pump house behind it. Do you have a pump house? Don�t you want one?

That�s a lot of freaking water, and a lot of freaking hand-pumping. We�re all going to need specially-tailored shirts to hold our muscles on our compound. Which ones are the pecs � are they in the front or the back? Those are the ones I want. The ones in front.

It�s blurry because at the precise moment I clicked, Mrs. Beans jumped up and hit my hand with her cold, wet nose. What a scamp, that Mrs. Beans! And rather than retake it, I just said aw fuck it.

Other than that very interestingly blurry photo of the storage tank, I am not going to be very much help to you today AT ALL. I have somehow regained the focus I used to have for work, back in the 20th century before my brain went soft and fuzzy, like spoiled strawberries, probably because I have had an unfortunate convergence of events today that necessitates nuthin� but focus, and have been laboring over a big-ass report today, as well as just saving the world in general, as is my wont. That�s the report�s title, by the way:

I�m sure my board appreciates my professionalism.

So my hyper-focus causes two things to happen that are seriously bad or seriously good, depending on what you think of me. God, I hope you like me. I really, really do. These things are (1) I don�t have time to think of anything entertaining to write about, and (2) nothing entertaining has actually happened because I�ve just been sitting here focusing. Please, please like me.

So even if I had had the time to think of something good, if it has happened, I missed it, and so therefore will not be writing to tell you about it.

All I could do is perhaps sit here and think of how many different ways I can convey to you that this is all you are going to get. Can you tell I�ve been reading documents composed by attorneys today, in addition to writing the Big-Ass Report, which causes me to use words like �convey�?

I�ve used that word more than once today, I�m afeerd, and now I�m using my vernacular defenses to ward off the effects of using words like �convey�. I have called my co-workers today �All you shillrens,� just to try to keep it real.

OH. And just in case you thought things might get better next week, tough luck, old chickens. I�ll be in Dallas taking a class that I am a�skeert of and have postponed at least once, but now I have to take it for reals, y�all. I have to take it because I tried to cancel again out of fear, but I missed the cancellation deadline and would lose all my money.

So very grudgingly, I am going. And it is going to kick my ass.

It�s a scary class about financial tools, and while I may be a some kind of �tool�, I don�t really know anything about using my financial tools. I suppose I�ll learn, or die trying. If I die whilst learning about using my financial tools, please EB, will you post an obituary for me here? Use the picture of me with my accordion � that one always makes me so happy.

I keep telling myself that if I fail (it�s a 3-day course with a fucking test on the last day), I can retake it in DC in August. Ah, nothing like the swelter and stank of Washington DC during high summer. And I will get to stay in the hotel where Reagan was shot.

So I might not be back here until Thursday! It all depends on the internet connection at my hotel and how nicely it plays along with my aged laptop. Hopefully, I�ll come back with all kinds of glorious tales (or possibly tails, as I originally wrote, and wouldn�t that be a LOT more interesting?), regaling you with stories of my experiences in stupid plastic Dallas.

Or not. We�ll see. It might be good, it might suck, but that�s the chance you take with me. (making a note to get outlandishly drunk at least once so I�ll have something to talk about.

Y�all be good. And if you can�t be good, be good at it. I know I am.