�Quit being so stupid.�
2006-05-08, 3:08 p.m.

HOW �BOUT A WEEKEND RECAP?

Friday: I went home, as is my wont, and I won the passive-aggressive contest that DW and I engage in each weekend, by being the first to ask �Is there anything going on tonight?� Ha. This tactic forces the other person to (a) make the decision for the couple whether to even bother trying to go out, and (b) come up with some suggestions.

So I won (at first I wrote that I �wong�) the contest (I WONG THE CONTEST!) and DW was forced to admit that Don and the Larrupsons were going to eat somewhere and we were invited to tag along, if we so desired.

And I did. I desired to tag along, so tag along we did. We ate ginormous sandwiches in a really neat, new restaurant with a staggering beer selection (we each had ONE pint), and dismal service. We complained in a very nice, good-natured fashion, and in the process we (a) might have gotten the most horrid waitress in the entire world fired and (b) hopefully helped get the owners back on their toes so they don�t end up folding the whole bidness in the next few months. I hate that! The service was so bad that I�m the only person who was really interested in ever going back, and I�m really just motivated by food, and even that won�t motivate me for long.

That was that. Home by 10:00. Night night. Oh yeah � Go Spurs.

Saturday: Up early, and out the door for a day of scintillation and furniture shopping. Well, not so much scintillation. In fact, just furniture shopping.

Here�s my secret: I shop ahead of time. I peruse the furniture stores on my own. I go online. I study the advertisements in the newspaper. That way, when it�s time to hit the pavement and actually buy, I have a pretty good idea of what I want.

We visited Ashley Furniture first, and might as well have not ever left, but we did leave and visited other stores to ease DW�s mind, and then we came back, and we got a new couch, a loveseat, and three tables. They should be delivered the 24th. I think we might end up needing a fourth table, but we�ll see how it all fits in the living room, and make that decision then.

It�s leather, dark dark brown, the tables are black, and we�ll soundly beat any dog who jumps up on it. Really. We are planning to train the dogs NOT to get on the new furniture, and we�re prepared to put the hurt to them to get our point across. Please address all complaints concerning animal cruelty to the management.

Thank you.

After signing on the dotted line for the major furniture, we hopped over to Target and got Lil Guy a desk for his room. Up to now, his homework desk was the dining table, which necessitated turning off the TV, and OH HELL NO. In order to preserve our way of life � the glue that binds us all together � we got him a cute little desk for his room.

Last, we skipped (and jumped) (get it? First we hopped, and then we skipped and jumped) to Hobby Lobby and got two little chester drawers (oh, come on. I know it�s not REALLY chester) to use as bedside tables in our room. In the guest room? We use plant stands; we don�t want our guests to get TOO comfortable. But in our room? Chester drawers.

Here�s a fun fact: for the past several years, and especially since we moved into the new house, DW has been complaining to me that he doesn�t have a bedside table, and I do. In fact, he�s kind of whiny about it. But allow me to explain: he had NEVER had a bedside table in his life. I brought my own into the marriage, and he made it sound like I had taken his bedside table away for myself. Dude. Now we have matching ones, and they have lots of drawers.

After the furniture shopping, we came home and assembled LG�s new desk. The desk was in a very large, heavy flat box, that had the following disclaimer: �Desk is not assembled and requires assembly before use.�

Really? As I explained to DW, I figured we would just place the big, flat box across several cinder blocks and call it a desk. Assembly? Huh!

So after THAT, we cleaned the whole freaking house. That�s right. First the furniture shopping, then the desk assembling, and then the cleaning of the whole freaking house. While he finished mopping the house (my friends, please use Mop n Glo on your cheap-ass laminate floors: no streaks, and very shiny!) I fixed up a big pan of Gringo Enchiladas, aka chicken enchiladas made with cream of celery soup and flour tortillas. Mmmmm. White.

DW told me that was like the best day he�s had in a long time. Very productive, very tiring, and a big home-cooked meal at the end. Welcome to my world, Golf Boy. That�s just about every Saturday for me: productive, tiring, and eating food that I cooked myself. Sense of satisfaction: priceless.

Yesterday, Sunday, was a typical Sunday consisting of random chores around the house and grocery shopping. Nothing big. Don came over for dinner last night, and he brought �Narnia�, which we watched. I cried through most of the first scene, with the children being evacuated out of London, and the train trip and the sad music. SOB! Good Christ! Who could NOT weep buckets at that? I�ve even seen it before, and I still couldn�t hold it together there at the beginning.

Anyway, when it was over, we banished LG up to his room to finish his homework on his new desk, and it worked! He finished his homework, and we were able to watch TV in the living room, just like a real family: planted on the couch, eyes glazed over.

That�s as exciting as it gets around here, chickens.

Today: Vet appointment to get Miss Piper�s anal glands expressed. You wish you were me, don�t you?

A final appeal: What kind of camera should I get? It must be digital, and it must be quite affordable.