Sheryl - 2006-01-11 15:51:19
Hi! De-lurking here. Number of refrigerators? Let's see...carry the one, that makes... one.
laura - 2006-01-11 17:25:59
God bless ya, Sheryl. All Hail the Queen of Delurking! Irony? I read papernapkin today and didn't, um, didn't comment. The phone rang! Yeah! (scurrying over there to say hi)
SF Knitter - 2006-01-11 20:25:33
Does that guy know you're married?? You are still married, right? I HAVE been away for a week or two... Anyway, try this: "I can't hang out with you. Thank you for asking, but please don't ask me again." One refrigerator here, and I can't even keep that one full of food.
MistressMary - 2006-01-12 05:38:46
I should maybe email you and tell you the story of the time a CLIENT in the office where I worked leaned across my desk and SQUEEZED MY BOOB. And I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING except go in a bathroom and cry. Because I was a 21-year-old moron. Oh look, I just told you the story so I don't have to email you.
Krissy - 2006-01-12 12:07:32
First of all, never EVER say "thank you" to someone who has made an inappropriate comment or gesture, even ironically. Sexual harassment is sexual harassment, whether he's higher or lower than you on the work totem-pole and what you're experiencing is sexual harassment. My stepmother is a sexual harassment attorney and had this advice for me when I was sexually harrassed at a job: 1) You MUST inform your coworker that what he/she is doing is inappropriate and clearly ask them to stop. Do not explain, do not apologize, do not thank or tag such as "you know?" or "If you want"? or "Sorry". Make your statement clear and unmissable. Women tend to equivocate too much so as not to offer offense. Do NOT do this. The best thing to say is something like, "That comment is sexual harassment. I don't appreciate it. Please refrain from making such comments and implications in the future or I will be contacting our human resources department". Then, and this is an important bit, WALK AWAY. Do not get sucked into a "oooohhhh but I was JOKING", "Don't be so SENSITIVE" conversation. Do not permit them to explain or hedge. Finish what you have to say and walk away immediately. 2) Write down everything you can remember regarding the comments/actions. Time, place, what was said. Write it down so that if, someday for any reason at all, you have to come up with details you have them. Two years from now you'll remember an altered version of events. If you type down what happened immediately your mind will be clearer and you'll be more credible. Remember that you may not just need this for your own case. If this person is a serial sexual harasser and the company wants corroborating evidence in order to terminate them, you should be able to provide a clear instance example of what they're looking for. People that do this kind of thing rarely do it to just one person. 3) Don't just memorize what you're going to say; say it out loud. Practice it to yourself out loud. Look in the mirror and say it seven or eight times. Practice it at different moments. You'll want a smooth, clear delivery and so make it as automated as possible by taking out the moment-by-moment thinking. Actually practice. I hope I'm not being too preachy, but all this was news to me at 16 and I see almost all the women I know who've been harassed behave in a way that prolongs the harassment and protects the harasser. In fact, I'm going to blog about it this week.
laura - 2006-01-12 12:34:27
SFK - Oh yeah, he knows I'm married. Maybe he thinks everyone else is as unhappily married as he is.***Mary - I don't know what to say. I can't even fathom that.***Krissy - thanks! My little 2-3 sentence speech does not apologize or thank or please or anything. It is very succinct, and I will make sure and practice it out loud in the car.
The Imaginary Friend - 2006-01-12 13:02:07
Have you been practicing, "Quit asking me out or I'll beat you to death with a club made out of YOUR DICK!" Or did you choose one of the other ones? I have 2 refrigerators and a stand-up freezer. One has to make room for all the liquor, for god's sake.
laura - 2006-01-12 14:36:10
I'm saving the "club made out your dick" response for a moment when keeping a straight face isn't as important. I think somebody drunk and handsy in the local bar might merit that response. Because my God, I can't see that, read it, or even type it, much less say it, without snickering. I think snickering might prolong my harassment.

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