The Way Things Are






OK, so you know
2005-09-02, 11:16 a.m.

OK, so you know there’s a new administrative assistant working here. But did you know that she, on her first day yesterday, jumped into our dismal, sad, soul-chewing-and-spitting filing system, dived in head first, and spent the whole day toiling on not only sorting the shit I haven’t filed for a couple of months, but also revamping our entire file system so that it not only makes sense and performs the function of ALLOWING US TO FIND THE PIECE OF PAPER WE NEED but is also going to make it pretty?


I’m sorry, but I am so freaking fired up I have found myself moved to tears several times today. So I have to yell at you because if you were here, I’d be yelling and possibly shaking you by the lapels. And then I’d collapse in a crumpled little heap at your feet and cry giant, salty tears. And then you’d go with me to Panchito’s, a restaurant in my old ‘hood, and we’d have a giant margarita and share a cathartic Poco de Mexico plate.

Life would be so good and fun if you – YOU – were here to facilitate that whole little sequence occurring in real life rather than in my head.

I have compared our filing system to those people who keep hundreds of cat. I think the process whereby one acquires many cats is similar to the process whereby I devised our filing system. Something happens that’s just a little crazy. But then, you rationalize it, and you make it normal. And the next time it happens, you are able to tell yourself that all is well, this is normal. And little by little, you get so far away from normal and so firmly ensconced in crazy, that you have lost your perspective and you don’t even KNOW what normal and healthy looks like anymore.

That’s our filing system, the one I devised.

I have been able to work today. I have been able to pick up a piece of paper, call the people, write the letter, do the whatever, because I am not a quivering jumble of frayed nerves and neuroses. All because SuperAdminWoman is doing the filing. As I told her today, just knowing that she’s sitting in her nice office at her nice new used desk, reading, sorting, figuring shit out, it helps me work because even though I had no intentions of filing anything, the to-file pile was taunting me. It was stalking me. It had a’ hold of me, and it brings a bit of peaceful organization to the corner (what? you’re brain doesn’t have corners?) of my brain that was fretting about the filing.

She’s pretty, she writes emails that have no typos in them, she giggles, she’s smart, she’s organized, she’s unafraid, and I might have to write some haiku about her. Someday. I’ll save that because I don’t want to spoil you all. Everyone in the office is so happy to see her because (1) she’s nice and we like her and (2) she’s going to keep Laura from going any crazier and having those pesky mood swings.

So, I just cannot wax ecstatic enough the joy, the powerful JOY of having an administrative assistant. If you need one, but you have been too stubborn to break down and commit the money to hire somebody, insisting insanely that you can handle it, you can do it, you should be able to do it all, and if you just buckled down and got your shit together, you could handle everything…if you have been doing that like, oh, say, someone we know, I advise you to do the opposite.

This is my happy face.

On another note, DW and I have decided that the situation in New Orleans represents one of those apocalyptic 80’s movies, you know where roving bands of gangs or zombies have taken over the city? I reckon that the flood waters have opened up all those above-ground crypts that the dead are buried in there, and the city has been taken over by zombies. Desperate zombies torturing and terrorizing the poor folks who are stranded there. There’s really no other explanation for it.

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