The Way Things Are






Whut it dew?
2005-12-16, 1:39 p.m.

DATELINE: Wednesday night

Am in Muskogee Oklahoma USA. Honing body language signals to co-worker that indicate my disinclination to listen or talk or be talked to. Hotel room is a salute to the decorating flair of the 90s. Southwestern in Ralph Lauren colors.

Oh, hi. Iím either catching a cold, or am highly allergic to either Texas, Oklahoma, or both. We did some driving from town to town earlier today, and I got to see the pretty part of Oklahoma. Note: itís not in Muskogee, which continues to confound me with its very existence. I hope one day to figure out its reason for being.

On a separate yet related note, I saw a sweatshirt today in the airport all done up like the Mountain Dew label that said ďWhut it Dew?Ē It may be telling that this sweatshirt wearer was traveling with a companion proudly wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with Texas A&Mís logo. Or it may not be telling. And if it is telling, whut it tell?

Hereís an advertising slogan for you: ďMuskogee! Whut it Dew?Ē Iíd like to see this on colorful banners, hanging from street lights downtown, fluttering gaily and proudly in the wind, which comes sweeping down the plain.

Anyway, back to the cold/allergies. Iím pretty sure itís allergies, and Iím mighty tempted to get one of those nasal washer things. I keep calling it a nose kettle, but Iím pretty sure thatís not the real name, and NOT what I should call it when I walk into GNC looking for one.

Nose kettle! Whut it fer?

Gimme one of them nose kettles thar.

Being as itís almost 8:30 (p.m.! at night!), Iím rather tired and ready for night-night. I did some work Ė made up a big-ass spreadsheet that shows some numbers and some words for an attorney, and now Iím ready to


Yes, Iím lame. Iím going to bed at 8:30. Yíall all get in line and bite my big white butt. Itís Muskogee, and thereís a reason people go to bed early in these parts, and itís not because theyíre gettiní any.

DATELINE: Friday afternoon

I apologize for all the above. It was neither funny nor called for. In order to make up for it, Iím just going to give you some pictures from my drive home from getting my hairs cut today.

If you look closely, you will see that this truck has more cowbell (hanging off its hindparts)

If hanging the reindeer from the tree in effigy is wrong, I donít wanna be right.

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