The Way Things Are



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A snippet of pillow talk
2005-09-09, 10:09 a.m.

A snippet of pillow talk for your reading pleasure…

Him: Get the lube.

Me: Where is it? (searching under bed, under bedside table, wondering where it got kicked in the throes of passion)

Him: I haven’t had it by myself.

Me: Sure.

Him: I don’t know where it is.

Me: Did we leave it at the coast?

Him: Eww. That’s really not what the cleaning crew wants to find.

Me: I think we did. I can’t find it.

Later…

Me: We really need new lube. It’s your turn to stroll nonchalantly down the grocery store aisle with KY in your hand. Your turn!

Him: I’m on it.

A snippet of mobile phone conversation yesterday…

::ring! ring!::

Him: H’LOOO?

Me: Did you get the lube?

Him: Huh? Am I on the Loop?

Me: Lube. Luuu-buh.

Him: Loop? Oh, LUBE!!!!

Me: Where are you, that you just hollered out LUBE at the top of your lungs?

Him: Hah. At the convenience store.

Me: Great. Do we know anybody there? WHAT’S THAT? YOU NEED LUBE? FOR YOUR DRY VAGINA? ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING VAGINAL DRYNESS? YOU NEED LUBE?

Him: You’re a very funny lady.

Me: INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH, OR CHERRY FLAVORED? WHAT WORKS BEST ON A DRY VAGINA?

Him: You’re very funny. LUBE!

Me: SO DID YOU GET US SOME MORE LUBE FOR MY DRY VAGINA?

Him: You can bet your ass I’m going to.


This was waiting for me in the bathroom when I woke up this morning, as if the lube bunny had visited

And I leave you with a shining example of my flair for the inappropriate…

Fishing Tournament Steering Committee Member 1 (FTSCM1): We need to keep the tournament small for now. It needs to be small, with the rules very strictly adhered to…make sure weigh-in is observed, and just keep it tight.

FTSCM2: Small, clean and tight.

Me (very studiously taking notes): Small, clean and tight. Like me!

::stunned silence::


I may be unusually dry, but I am small, clean and tight

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