The Way Things Are






Not actual gay pictures.
2006-08-14, 4:11 p.m.

My sweet husband DW (DishWasher, lest you think he’s my wife) said something rather disturbing to me the other day. Y’all tell me if this would make alarm bells go off in YOUR head.

DW: I played in that scramble tournament this morning, and now I’ve got all these gay pictures.

Me: You have…gay? Pictures?

DW: Yeah, they had a photographer there taking pictures, and –

Me: Gay pictures? What the hell kind of “tournament” was this?

DW: I mean, they were gay, like I look gay in all of them. Not actual gay pictures.

Me: Not “Brokeback Golfin’”?

DW: No. Gay as in “I had to pose like I was putting, and then pose like I had just finished driving…”

Me: That sounds pretty gay, actually.

So the golf tournament had somebody there taking party pics, and DW ended up with 4 gay shots of himself that are framed in those nice plastic picture frames, and I artfully arranged them on the end table in the living room.

And when people come over, I offer to show them the gay pictures of my husband. Nobody ever really wants to see them, though.


Today is Lil Guy’s first day of 8th grade. The first day of his last year of middle school. He’s not all that excited, at least not on the outside, for woe to the 13-year-old boy who shows his excitement at starting 8th grade. I kept trying to pump him up for 8th grade by saying “Just this one last year of middle school, and then this time next year, you’ll be getting ready to start high school, and you won’t need a back-to-school haircut because they just let you run amok in public high school, and then a short year-and-a-half after you start 9th grade, you’ll be driving.”

It seems to cheer him up. He is just not an enthusiastic scholar, even though he’s like in honors classes and shit. But putting school in terms of long hair and driving a car seems to help him a bit. I did see a little bit of a smile cross his face when we stopped by his grandparents’ house this morning to pick up his summer reading project, and his Grammy went on and on about his haircut.

Do your kids have homework over the summer? LG had to read Hound of the Baskervilles and Murder on the Orient Express and then do a project. While he enjoyed neither one, he said he hated Orient Express less than the Hound. There was a third book he could have read if he completely lost his head – I Am the Cheese – but I have to say, that’s about the suckiest book I’ve read in a while, The Da Vinci Code nothwithstanding. I picked up a used copy of it, because when HE has a reading project, I have a reading project, too.

If your kid has a chance to read I Am the Cheese for school, pick something else. Stupid book. PTOOO!!!


Speaking of stupid books, I am currently reading The Dante Club. I really want to like this book. I can tell there’s a riveting plot in there somewhere, but the author is so enamored with the literary scene of 1865 Boston, that I’m getting way too much talk and way too little action out of it. It’s full of what can only be called Poetic History. History of the Great Poets of 19th Century Boston. Apparently, the New York poets were hacks. BOSTON RULES! I’ll keep plugging away and let you know.

And on the flip side of that coin, I read Skinny Dip and so very thoroughly loved it that I want to read all of Carl Hiaasen’s work. I even want to learn to pronounce his last name, so I can call him up and say “Carl? Carl Hiaasen? I LOVE YEW!!!” and then giggle manically and hang up. See? I liked it so much I even provided a link. Y’all enjoy that.

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