The Way Things Are






I like HUUUUUGE tracts of land.
2006-08-15, 4:23 p.m.

I am a piece of heavy-duty farm machinery today, plowing through piles of paperwork, following through on shit that I had shelved for a couple of weeks, remembering shit that seemed sooooo important last week (Oops! Sorry! I’ll do that right now!), and following up on the shit that other people were supposed to do but forgot about as soon as I left the room.

I had a mini-revelation today. Do you want to hear it? It’s all self-involved, and really boring and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Still wanna hear it?

OK. Here it is. My talents and skills and experience are mostly administrative, AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Paperwork is the lubricant that keeps the biddens world pumping smoothly. I’m in the process of shifting my abilities from focusing on the administrative, and shifting more toward the conjoined fields of management/financial, aka “asset management”, but I really think my special talent will always be churning through large piles of dusty paper, and making sure that all the forms get filled out correctly, all the information is updated, the original makes it to the proper governmental agency, the UPS delivery is properly documented, and the copy makes it into the right file.

I get a charge out of it when some mid-level bureaucrat calls me and says, “Hey, remember back in 1993, when we did an inspection and you got a failing score due to the missing window screens that blew off in the tornado, and you corrected the failing items within the required 30 days, and we never did go back into our system and correct your score? Can you send me the documentation you faxed us thirteen years ago? Can you prove you did the repairs? Did we reinspect?” and to be able to GO to that file box in the storage building, and PULL that fucking inspection file out, and MARCH back into my office, and FIND that jackass’s fax number, and FAX that dusty re-inspection report with its passing grade.

Do other people have such mundane requirements for job satisfaction? It doesn’t hurt that I really like real estate. I like HUUUUUGE tracts of land. I scope out the houses for sale and the apartments for rent in the Sunday paper, just for fun. I ride my bike around my neighborhood and scope out the neighbors’ houses, and then get on the appraisal district website to see how much land they own, and what they are appraised at. I memorize the agents listing homes for sale that I notice when I’m driving around, and I get back to work and look the listing up online, just to see what the asking price is.

You throw in tall, tottering piles of dusty paperwork, tie it all back to the buildings and the land, tell me to analyze something about it (quarterly net income for the past 3 years! Trending up or down?), and then organize it all? I’m happy.


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