The Way Things Are






Filtered and furious
2004-03-23, 8:37 a.m.


Welp, yesterday when I went to the former in-laws to pick up Lil Guy after school, Granny hollers out to FIL "Rob, Laura's here!" So I knew I was in for a talking-to, and I knew it involved our adventures in court last week, as the former in-laws were out of town last week and prolly had just gotten caught up on what all went down. And I knew that they only knew what XH had told them. He has quite the unique filter for interpreting events, wherein everything he does is my fault. Just as an aside, if I could control his actions, wouldn't I force him to be a little bit more courteous to me? Huh?

So FIL says he knows we went through hell last week, but next time XH and I have trouble, can I just try to keep it all out of court? I replied that I had been trying for months to keep it out of court, and launched into a description of everything that had happened, starting with KB's letter to XH asking him to just get back on track with child support and all would be forgiven.

Seems the XH left all that out in his retelling the story to the family. They were under the impression that I took him to court to get more child support period. That I had tried to get $800/month, but he held me back. Left out the parts where he refused to pay his normal child support. Left out the part where he extended the ordeal until court was our last and final resort. Left out the part where I implored him to just start paying again, and he would respond with a blast of fetid, rancid verbal abuse and blame.

Well, XH's parents are furious with HIM now. Furious with him for neglecting his duties to begin with. Furious with him for lying to them over and over again about what was going on. Furious with him for dragging the whole thing into court when he had ample time and opportunity to settle, negotiate, make nice. Furious with him because he spends his money on Hawaiian cruises and Swiss ski vacations and new cars, and now they, in order to keep their son out of jail, are coming up with the money to pay the back support, the attorneys' fees, the court costs.

I feel sorry for them, but at the same time, I've about had it. They asked me to get them involved next time I have troubles with their son. I said no - it's tough enough having to deal with him, I don't want to drag more people into our problems, it's not their problem to begin with, and he's 40 fucking years old, for the love of all that's good and holy! I shouldn't have to run to his parents and tell on him when he's being naughty! Sheesh! And it makes me even more angry that they are paying his debt, brought on only by his moronic folly. They are bailing him out, and he will continue to buy a new car every 2 years, purchase new cattle and power tools and toys, and go on vacations.

I'm angry at them for enabling (there's a word I don't use lightly) him to continue to be a giant fuck-up. He gets to continue to refuse to learn anything, grow up or get over his attitude disability, as long as they get themselves involved in his messes and bail him out financially. These people should force him to grow up, take responsibility, and face the consequences of his own actions, rather than continue to blame me for his own fuckups.

I feel like a bit of a tool. FIL says he was going to retire in August, but now has to work an additional 6 months in order to bring in enough cash to pay off XH's debt to society. Once again, I was manipulated. I was used as the bad guy for everyone to blame - because part of my conversation with these nice, well-meaning folks included an inventory of everyone in their family who thinks I'm a greedy bitch.

I really hope MIL was angry enough to get on the phone and tell at least the key people in the family what the real facts of this case were. I wasn't trying to get $800/month out of him. I wanted him to pay his support. I gave him plenty of opportunities to pay $500 a month, and he needed to pay my small, yet growing, attorneys fees. It could have ended months ago at $500/month + $750 to KB.

It ended up much more per month retroactive to May 2003, plus $5500 to KB.

If I could give them some advice, I'd tell them to let him go to jail. Think of all the lessons he'd learn, and all the time he would have to let it all sink in, sitting in a jail cell.

I intend to find out how to purchase a transcript of the trial and provide it to them so they can read for themselves what really happened, not just what happened as retold by the XH filter.

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